“Do I turn you on at all when I kiss you baby? Do I have your love? Am I still enough?”
I can be mean, I know that. I am irritable, I definitely know that. I get frustrated with routine, and I take it out on people I feel make me have routine. I get that, and I always apologize. But nights like now when I’m alone, and Dustin isn’t here, and I told him to take his time coming home, I get this sick feeling. I don’t like this about myself. And I hate my shoulder/neck pain I have. Ugh.
Desmo is barking incessantly outside. I think it’s because he’s afraid of the dark. I can’t let him in now, those muddy paws will drive Dustin insane. Although all I want is to cuddle with my doggies on the couch.
I feel worn out, and I don’t know why. I get 9 hours of sleep at least, I’ve been working out, I feel more awake and alive than ever. Just tired.
We are trying to go to Chicago in February for the International Motorcycle show. Exciting! I want to get my tattoo then. Saving for that trip, my motorcycle, and the money I give Dustin weekly sure leaves me with little left. But I like it. I don’t need a lot, I don’t like having much anyway.
Well, I texted Dustin telling him to come home. Hopefully he will soon and I can hold him long and hard and let him know he is loved. That poor boy. Taking so much crap from me. He must really love me.
